Avoid conflicts and issues with your friends, family, and partner¹ through silence.
as among nations,
respect for the rights of others is peace.
– Benito Juárez
What this unnecessarily complicated phrase is trying to tell us is that;
We all feel the same way.
Benito is not concise or profound, What the heck does The right of others mean?
The right of others entails respecting ideas, even when they differ with ours. It also means respecting freedom of speech and listening.
To talk about respecting others, we need to understand ourselves.
When you are interrupted, you feel the person is inaccessible. It is like throwing a ball towards a brick²; only bouncing the same arguments.
If, for a moment, you feel like a special snowflake, let me tell you that you could not be more mistaken.
You are not unique, and
the feeling is mutual.
That is something I discovered while discussing with Angela, a close friend. I always thought we fought because we did not share the same vision in life.
One day after a heated argument with Angela, I decided to ask the question that changed my relationships and how I communicate forever.
I looked at Angela desperately; what had begun as a simple talk quickly escalated into a Mexican standoff, no, it doesn’t have to do with my nationality.
Neither of us would budge. I took a deep breath and stayed quiet while Angela force-feed me her opinion. It seemed like years passed, but I finally got the chance to speak; I asked, “Do you think this is the way we should argue?”
Angela paused for a moment before asking sarcastically, “What is your brilliant proposal?”
I thought for a moment, my eyes lost in the horizon “What if we do not interrupt each other? We let…”
Angela interrupted, clearly annoyed, “That is not the way adults argue, if I have a point, I will say it when I think about it. Otherwise, I will forget about it.”
I let out a sigh. At this point, I could not tell who was feeling more annoyed, Angela, or me; nevertheless, I tried to keep my cool before asking, “Do you honestly think fighting over every trivial thing is how adults argue?”
At that moment, Angela showed the reason behind our fights, “I am older than you, and you do not care what I say because you are always interrupting me, you do not let me talk and I feel ignored.”
My constipated face relaxed into a smile, sadly, Angela did not take this kindly and complained. After this, I told her that I felt just like her when she interrupted me.
There was a happy ending, we decided to make a deal to avoid interrupting one another, thanks to Angela, I discovered that we all feel insignificant when we are interrupted.
The way we try to solve it is not appropriate.
You speak louder than usual or we interrupt, forcing others to listen; this creates bigger issues³.
I am grateful that Angela opened my eyes to this technique, which I found later in a negotiation book written by Igor Ryzov⁴; this is used by the Russian Secret Service to negotiate, but You can use it in any argument.
Let others express themselves, shut up, and listen carefully. You show interest, and you create a safe space⁵ for a healthier exchange of ideas.
Do not interrupt.
Even when it seems like you will never have a chance to speak, and you have heard the same argument over and over again. Do not break your silence. Instead of commenting at the moment, carry a notebook or post-its to write your thoughts.
Interrupting is not only rude and nasty; it also breaks lines of thought, and it makes them feel how you dislike; inferior.
Through The Secret Technique of Silence, you will be able to understand where the other is coming from and thus reaching better resolutions.
Be convincing and defend your position better through the understanding of others.
Improve communication with silence, since no one is competing for the spot, no one needs to force their opinions through loud noises.
Do not fight for attention.
After the discussion has taken place, ask the person how they felt, if there was any change in communication, and if they enjoyed them.
Improve your negotiation tactics by staying quiet and listening to other’s paragons. Show others that you care about them by listening to their voices and opinions.
Use the first postulate in The Kremlin School of Negotiation to cement your place as a leader⁶ and communicate better with The Art of Discussion; Silence.
- Live your dream relationship with the help of The Art of Truth; Improve Your Relationship.
- Play with real people and organize your tennis games with the help of Reta 6-0.
- Your view towards issues is unique, learn how to deal with them in The Art of Excellence; Issues.
- Find this postulate amongst other tips in The Kremlin School of Negotiation.
- Create the appropriate setting to exchange ideas with The Art of Discussion; Safe Space.
- Learn the inner works of leadership in The Art of Excellence; Lead.